


Alone But Not Abandoned

by JudasComplex



Series: Detective and the Delinquent [4]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Dead Parents, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, birthday fic, poor Naoto, this should have gone up years ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 21:37:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10750299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudasComplex/pseuds/JudasComplex
Summary: Celebrating her birthday has never been something Naoto wanted to take much time and effort to do. She has her own routine, and it's not one that lends itself to celebration. But when two classmates take it upon themselves to join her...she doesn't quite know what to expect from the rest of the day.





	Alone But Not Abandoned

**Author's Note:**

> So I definitely started writing this for Naoto's birthday like...a year or two ago. I know I'm late for this year, but at least it's up, yeah? MAJOR SADNESS BELOW. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. I may have blinked back a few tears of my own. 
> 
> This takes place in the same universe as Get It Back, Thunderstorm, and Lightning. It is before T/L, and in the middle of GIB.

_April 27 – Friday – Early Morning_

 

Waking up to the sound of her cell phone chiming at her was not the way she had expected this day to go. Sleep-bleary eyes stared at the alarm clock on her dresser: it was 4 in the morning. “What...” Ignoring the screen, she flicked the phone open. “Hello.”

“Happy—oh no, did I wake you up? Darn it, I thought I had the time zones all figured out...”

That bubbly voice could only belong to one person. “Rise? Why in the world are you calling at this hour?”

“Wait, wait...but it's noon here... If you're fifteen hours different from New York, then from here you should be...”

Naoto struggled to sit up, rubbing at her eyes. “The time difference between Japan and New York is thirteen hours, not fifteen.”

The silence on the other end of the line spoke volumes. “Um...” It was amazing how sheepish she could sound when she put her mind to it. “What...time is it, over there?”

“Just after four in the morning. I take it that it is a more reasonable time where you are?”

“Oh noooooo, I'm so sorry, Naoto-kun!” To her credit, she did sound genuine. “I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday before you went to school and I screwed it all up, ughhhhh I'm so dumb.”

“It's...” It wasn't fine. She'd been having a particularly pleasant dream, and hadn't slept well for the past several days, and this was not the way she wanted to start her day. Birthdays were superfluous celebrations, a large to-do over something that was just as easily noted quietly and moved on from. “Don't trouble yourself too much over it, Rise-san. I think I will survive one day on less sleep.” No need to tell her that it wasn't one day. She'd meant well.

“Awwww, I'm still really sorry. Happy birthday, though! I wish I could be there to see you.”

Naoto stretched, running a hand through her hair. She still wasn't quite used to it being the length it was; she'd started growing it out over the break as an experiment and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not yet. “Thank you for the greeting. I must confess, I'm impressed you remembered.”

“I have all of your birthdays in my calendar!” The idol sounded almost insulted. “You're my friends, even though I'm super far away now.”

“Where is 'super far away' this time?” She might as well get up at this point. There was not telling how long Rise would keep her on the phone. Naoto got to her feet, rubbing at the bridge of her nose.

“I'm in Los Angeles! Just finishing up my very first American tour. It's so pretty here, Naoto—I should email you some pictures!” The detective padded over to her desk, pressing the power button on her laptop as she slid into the chair.

“Pictures would be lovely, Rise.” It was...noon in Los Angeles, of the previous day. No wonder Rise sounded chipper. At least she'd done enough of the math right to call Naoto actually on her birthday. She rubbed her eyes, ignoring the tension in her shoulders. Of all the days to get a call from Rise, why did it have to be today...

Well she knew why. But Rise wouldn't have any clue as to why Naoto didn't want to talk on her birthday, and the detective didn't want to get into it.

“So what are you going to do for your birthday, Naoto-kun?” She could almost hear the traffic through the phone. Naoto squinted at the computer screen as it lit up, tapping in her passcode and waiting for the system to load.

“Nothing terribly in-depth. My birthday is primarily a family affair.” The sentence had the benefit of being entirely true, and lacking any real information. “I prefer not to make a scene.”

“Aww, but it's your first birthday with all of us! Well, I mean not me in person, but still! You should have a big party with everyone! I can call-”

“ _No._ ” She must have sounded firm enough, because Rise's voice died out. “You know me well enough by now, Rise. I'm not interested in a large party, or an inordinate amount of fuss, or attention being brought to me any more than I already have happen at school.” Naoto pulled up her emails, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand. “I'd appreciate you not calling anyone. I do have plans, and I don't need anyone pushing into them.”

“Okay, geez.” The words were frustrated, but the idol's tone didn't back it up. “Sound like secret plans.”

“Just family plans.” As usual, the email was more than half spam. She clicked through, seeing if anything of note was hiding in the mess. “Nothing special.”

“Okaa-aay.” Naoto heard Rise sigh. “I promise, I won't call anyone. But I still think you're making a mistake.”

“I appreciate the concern.” A message board she'd meant to unsubscribe from years ago had sent a birthday wish email. _Delete._ An email from Touko, from only a few minutes ago, showing she was awake absurdly early—as usual. _Open._ **Hey Naoto, looks like it's that time of year again. Have a good day, will you? Call me if you need. It's been a while. Take care~** Naoto smiled. It had been too long since she and Touko had spoken.

There was a moment of quiet before Rise spoke again. “I guess I'll let you go back to sleep or something. I'm really sorry for waking you up.”

Even half paying attention and with a tin ear for emotions, Naoto could hear the distress in Rise's voice. She leaned back from her desk, letting Touko's email sit for the time being. “I do honestly appreciate the call, Rise. Even this early in the morning, I'm glad to know you're thinking of me.”

She could hear the idol breath out a smile. “I miss you guys out here. It's just good to talk to you, especially on your birthday. It's your seventeenth, right?”

Naoto did the math. “Mm, yes.”

“How cool.” Rise giggled. “Well, secret family plans or not, I hope you have a really good birthday, okay? If I get a chance, I'll give you a call tomorrow and see how it went.”

“That sounds fine. Please try and get the time zones worked out, though.”

That got a full-fledged laugh from the idol. “Okay, okay, I said I was sorry.” Naoto found herself smiling as well. “I'll talk to you later, okay? Have a good day at school!”

“Enjoy the rest of yesterday,” Naoto intoned, getting another laugh from the idol as they hung up. Turning her attention back to the computer, she tapped out a response to Touko. **Thank you. I'll do my best. I agree, we should speak again soon. It's been what, nearly two years since our last case together? I hope you're well.** She sent it along, clicking through a few news sites and seeing nothing of interest, then checking the weather. Cloudy and cold for the time of year, but not raining. Good.

The computer pinged, indicating a new email. _Figures, Touko-san's probably doing the same thing I am._ She clicked over, opening the message. **Two years already? I feel old.** **By the way, I'm surprised to get a response from you this early. Anything keeping you up?** Touko hadn't been part of her birthday ritual, but she knew the background behind it. She was one of the few outside of the family Naoto had told.

**No, a call from a former classmate currently in America called and had miscalculated time zones. I'm not going to be able to get back to sleep, so I'm entertaining myself online.** Not that she had much else to look at. Nothing else was in her email, and she had a limited tolerance for reading endless news stories from biased sources.

Luckily, Touko's reply was quick. **Naughty. You really have grown up since the last time I saw you. I have a case to research, so I'll have to leave you to your 'entertainment', but take it easy today. I'll be thinking of you.**

Naoto could feel her face burning. Leave it to Touko to take what she said out of context. She didn't reply, knowing full well that Touko was trying to get a rise out of her and not willing to take the bait. She closed the laptop, sighing, and stood. Maybe she'd just take a bath. No one else would be awake yet.

 

_Early Morning - > Morning_

 

Though she'd been a little looser with her clothing since the new year had started, today had been a day for comfort, so she was back in the male uniform, binder and all. She tugged her hat over her eyes, stepping into the school building and changing out of her shoes.

Just as she tucked her shoes in her locker, her phone buzzed. Frowning, she pulled it out and flipped open the screen.

_From: Narukami Hey, have a good day today. :) I'm thinking of you. Wish I was able to say it in person this year, but this will have to do._

She had to smile. Leave it to Narukami to send a message, even with everything else he had going on in his life. He didn't know why she didn't like her birthday like Touko did, but he knew enough to not mention it much. And between the strifes with his parents, his...potentially hazardous romantic life, and a thousand other things only he knew about, he still took a moment to message her.

_THNK YOU. THINK SAME OF U RE HOLIDAY. PLANS YET? Y/N_

Narukami had been getting more and more optimistic about Golden Week, and a way to convince his parents to allow him to come out for the holiday. However, he'd messaged her two days ago, saying that everything had gone catastrophically wrong, and there was little to no chance of his escaping the city now. It was unfortunate, and absurd, but it was what it was.

Sure enough, the text came back a moment later. _Other than pretending I don't exist and studying for college exams? No, not really. I wish I was getting on a train. Anyway, got to go, bell just rang. Talk later!_

She pocketed her phone, hearing the bell ring at Yasogami as well, grabbed her bag and headed to homeroom. _If I leave school immediately following the final bell, I can make it to the bus stop in ten, perhaps fifteen minutes. Leave...mm, probably half an hour from the shopping district to get there... Yes, that should be fine. I'll make sure to let Grampa know I should be home in time for dinner. He'll be pleased. Then a quiet evening at home...yes. Like always._

“Hey, Naoto-kun!” She blinked rapidly, looking around and finally spotting Naoki Konishi standing a few desks away. “Wow, you must have been out of it. Called like four times.”

“Oh, my apologies. Am I in your way?” She looked around—apparently she'd made it to her desk, though she didn't remember entering the classroom.

“No, just figured I'd say good morning.” Naoki gave her an odd look. “You feeling okay? You're not usually this...I don't know, spacey.”

She shook her head, sliding into her seat. “I'm fine, simply preoccupied. Good morning, Konishi-kun.”

Naoki chuckled, taking the seat in front of her and turning back to look at her. “You know, you can just call me Naoki. I think we can safely say we know each other well enough for that.”

She tugged at her hat. “I...suppose, yes. Very well...Naoki-kun.” She pulled out a notebook and started poking at her English notes, leaving Naoki to take the hint and turn back around.

_scrawled in the margins: lunchtime, classes, walk to bus stop. stay no longer than an hour. return home for dinner._

She sighed, resting her head on her arms. It was going to be a long day.

 

_Morning - > Lunchtime_

 

A quiet lunch at her desk was all she wanted. A quiet lunch, where no one bothered her, and she could just eat her food. A quick trip to the bathroom, then back to her desk, no troubles. _I wish this headache would stop._ It wasn't severe, just a nagging feeling behind her eyes. _No doubt due to lack of sleep._ It had been good to hear from Rise. She just needed to repeat that to herself a few...dozen more times.

In, out, back to her—

“Aaah!” She stumbled back, only just barely avoiding a collision with the individual just outside the door. Her focus snapped up, focusing in on the face—though at this height, there weren't many people it could be.

“Jeez, Naoto—been calling your name for like, the whole time since you left your classroom. You seriously that out of it?” Kanji was frowning down at her, and she tugged at the brim of her hat.

“Simply preoccupied. If you'll excuse me.” She slipped past Kanji, making her way back to the classroom. _I just want to eat my lunch..._

She'd gotten as far as the door when Kanji's voice caught up with her. “Hey. Naoki and me are gonna head up to the roof t'eat, if you wanna join us. S'nice up there today.”

Naoto paused. hand on the door of the classroom, and took a breath. _It will not kill you. Go have lunch with your classmates._ “I suppose that would be acceptable. Let me...” She paused, blinking. _Did I pack...? Oh, don't tell me..._

“What's up?” Kanji had caught up to her now.

“Allow me to check something.” She ducked into the classroom and looked in her bag. Sure enough, her bento was suspiciously missing. _How did I manage to wake up nearly three hours early, and still not pack a lunch...?_

“Forget somethin'?”

“I...seem to have left my lunch at home.” _One more mark in this day's favor._ She rubbed at her eyes.

“I got enough for two, if you don't care 'bout sharing. S'just curry, but I brought a bunch.” When Naoto looked over at the young man, he shrugged. “I eat a lot, but I ain't gonna starve. C'mon.”

She sighed, but followed. It was better than going without. “Very well. Do you have some way for me to eat this curry of yours?”

He gestured out the door. “Yeah sure, don' worry. Ain't the firs' time I've split my lunch. Let's go, before Naoki thinks we bailed on 'im.”

Admitting defeat, she followed him up the stairs to the roof, which despite the admittedly pleasant weather, was fairly deserted. Naoki looked up as they approached and waved. “Oh, hey Naoto. Glad you could join us.”

“Kanji-kun was kind enough to lend me a portion of his lunch, as I seem to have failed to bring mine with me.” She perched on the ledge and straightened her hat. “I had an...eventful morning.”

Kanji sat in the corner, putting Naoto on his right and Naoki on his left. “Looked tired. Not sleep well?”

“In a manner of speaking. I had an early phone call.” She rubbed her eyes, only taking her hands away when she felt something nudge her knee. Kanji had portioned out some curry for her and had the bowl and a pair of chopsticks held out to her. “Ah. Thank you.”

“No prob.” He pulled out his own chopsticks and started eating his own.

Naoki had an instant noodle bowl he was waiting on, so he glanced over at her. “You seem a little off today, Naoto-kun. Is everything okay?”

She sighed, poking at the curry. “No, it's... I'm perfectly fine. I simply have an...unpleasant task to undertake today.”

Now both of them were looking at her. “Anything you need help with?” Kanji asked between bites.

“It's...” Naoto sighed. “Not so much something that I need help with, just...” _How do I phrase this?_ “It's something that I feel I ought to do, but it's not the most enjoyable portion of my day.”

“Do you have to do it on your own?” Naoki leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“I...” She blinked. “I suppose not, but...it is something that I choose to do alone.”

“Help if you actually told us what you're doin', Naoto,” Kanji grumbled.

“It's...family business.” She tugged down her hat and focused on her curry.

There was a long moment where nothing was said, and then Naoki spoke up. “Family business that you do on your own?”

Naoto didn't respond, and she heard Kanji sigh. “You don't gotta do shit alone, Naoto. Even if you don't want us t'tag along, you c'n tell us what's up.”

She bit her lip, keeping silent for a long moment. _There is no harm in telling them the basics. Perhaps then they will stop picking._ “I'm visiting my parents.”

“Your...” She heard Naoki start, but then cut off abruptly. She glanced up and saw Kanji holding one hand out to stop Naoki, his eyes on her.

“What?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Outta all the people in this school, you think we wouldn't get why that's hard?” Kanji's voice was quiet, and Naoto found it was difficult to keep holding his gaze. “Why don't you go with someone? Your gramps or somethin'?”

“This is my ritual, not his.” She stared down at her curry. “I go specifically today for my own reasons.”

“Why don't we all go?” Naoto's head snapped up to look at Kanji as he spoke. “What? We all got people we can visit.” Naoki was giving Kanji a strange look, and Kanji just looked to Naoto.

She sighed. “My parents died in an accident when I was young. This is the anniversary of their death.”

That shifted Naoki's expression immediately—but unlike most, he didn't pity her. _Understandable, I suppose._ He just looked understanding. “Why _don't_ we all go together? I haven't visited Sis in a while.”

“An' I c'n go see my dad. C'mon, it's gotta be better than goin' alone.” Kanji's eyes still hadn't left her. When she didn't respond, Kanji kicked at her shoe. “Naoto.”

“Fine.” She was too tired to fight this. If it was a choice between Rise forcing her into a birthday party or having Kanij and Naoki accompany her to the graveyard, then she would take the latter. It was true, both of them had lost family members, and as such it was more likely that they would not try to be more helpful than was actually useful. “I'm leaving immediately after school to take the bus out.”

They both nodded. “Sure, that sounds like a plan,” Naoki replied. “Do you want to meet at the front gates then?”

“Very well.” She turned to her curry, and that seemed to indicate to the others that she didn't want to talk any more, and they took her lead.

_the plan has changed, mental notes: meet classmates at gate, proceed to bus stop, stay no longer than an hour, return home for dinner._

 

_Lunchtime - > After School_

 

Naoki walked with Naoto down to the entrance of the school to wait for Kanji. To his credit, he didn't try to say anything to her, which she appreciated. She tried to focus her thoughts on the task at hand, but was finding it more difficult than average, though she couldn't explain entirely why. It wasn't a matter of her classmates being nearby; the presence of other people rarely affected her at all, regardless of the situation. (Well, perhaps that wasn't entirely true. She did remember quite a few moments in the hot springs that were decidedly uncomfortable, but that was beyond normal interaction, particularly at school.)

_Why did he suggest this?_  It hadn't occurred to her initially, that the two classmates she remained cordial with shared this in common with her. Between Kanji's father and Saki, death was no stranger to either of them.

_But neither of them know why it hurts more today than any other day._

It was one of the reasons she hated to celebrate her birthday. It seemed cruel and unusual punishment not only for herself, but for the memories of her parents, to celebrate her life on the day that they died. It was absurd. It was insulting. Her grampa had tried a few times when she was younger, but the young Naoto had run shrieking for her room, sobbing into pillows and refusing to come out until the morning. There was nothing good in a birthday for her.

That being said, there usually was a family meal, and her grampa usually made her a cake--a rare treat, as the senior detective rarely baked anymore--and they sat in the quiet, remembering the lives of all those they loved, present in body and spirit. It was a somber affair, but it suited her.  There was no simple way to explain that to someone such as Rise, whose response would inevitably be to cover up the sadness with joy. And for someone like the idol, that was just as easily said as done. Rise had no lack of enthusiasm, and was more than willing to spill it out into those around her. Even Naoto had to admit that group outings had been significantly more lively on the days that Rise had some level of control over the event. She was a whirlwind, but at least a somewhat contained one.

But to share the ritual of visiting her parents with others...it was an emotional day for Naoto, and she was not exactly known for being emotional in front of others. Kanji barely seemed able to cope when she was in a more demonstratively joyful mood. She didn't know what he'd do if she started crying. ...She wasn't sure she knew what  _she_  would do if she started crying in front of them. She was not ashamed of her sorrow. Emotions could impede inspection, but they were also, occasionally, necessary. Healthy. Expression and understanding of one's self. She had a thousand explanations to push away the frustration she felt at her inability to  _do_  anything.

She couldn't save them. Intellectually, she knew that especially at her age, there was quite literally nothing she could have done.

But that didn't stop her from wishing that she could have. 

Kanji jogged up a moment later, pushing his hair out of his face. "Hey, hey, sorry m'late. Teacher wanted to tell me something or another, I dunno. You all ready?"

She and Naoki both nodded, and the three of them climbed onto the bus--which was oddly full of people. Naoki, in the lead, scanned around and beckoned, having found seats further to the back. He slipped into a single open seat on the aisle, and indicated the sole fully open seat for Kanji and Naoto.  _Oh, this should prove interesting._  To his credit, Kanji's face was only slightly redder than usual as he tipped his head back to look at her. "Hey, you wanna sit inside or outside?"

_A good question._ She thought for a moment. "I will sit on the inside." She ducked past him and slid into the seat, scooting against the wall of the bus so that Kanji could sit down. She could tell he was trying his best to not touch her if he could help it, and she mentally shook her head, eternally wondering what Tatsumi's concern with her seemed to be. Narukami and the others were absolutely dead-set on the thought that somehow, the tall blonde was madly in love with her and simply didn't know how to express it. And while she could certainly imagine Kanji having difficulty communicating with her--since he did, regardless of what they were speaking of--he'd never shied away from her like this until after the final battle with Izanami. There had been friction between them before, but it felt like something new now. She'd seen what those infatuated with each other looked like. Naoki and Yukiko, for example, had recently become something of an item, and it was quite evident in their actions that they held strong feelings for one another. The same could be said of Chie and Kou, though their dynamic was something...a little more boisterous than the previous set. Her only foray into anything of the sort had been her covert half-relationship with Narukami the year before, which was the most uncomfortably maneuvered and difficult to process personal relationship she'd ever had to deal with. That being said, she was still immensely fond of Narukami, but was perfectly content to hold him as a dear friend.

And then there was Tatsumi. No, it didn't make any sense to her that somehow Kanji's "affection" for her would result in him refusing to speak to her and becoming defensive any time anyone seemed to mention her around him.

_I'm too tired for this._  She relaxed as much as she could as the bus began to move, letting her posture slump into the seat--and her hip to rest against Kanji's. She felt him jump, and look over his shoulder at her--but the reaction she'd expected didn't come. "You okay?" he asked, his voice soft, clearly for her ears only.

When she looked up at him, his eyes reflected only true concern back at her, and for a moment, she utterly blanked. She knew Kanji was not truly the rough-and-tumble person he attempted to make himself appear as...but in the moments where he showed that as strongly as this, it always seemed just a touch disconcerting.

Not in a bad way. Just...in a way.

"I..." She wasn't fine. Just as Rise waking her up wasn't fine. But again, there was no reason to lay unnecessary burden on her classmate. "I will be fine, yes. Merely tired."

"Yeah, you said you had a call this mornin. Anyone interestin'?"

She gave a small smile. "It was Rise-san, who had misinterpreted the time zones and believed it was a good two to three hours later here than it actually was."

Kanji laughed under his breath. "Yeah, 'at sounds like Rise. I jus'..." He hesitated, then shook his head. "Nah, I ain't gonna pry."

_Well now I'm intrigued._  She tilted her head slightly. "You need not censor yourself."

"It's kinda personal, and kinda a guess. I don't wanna be rude."

"I assure you, I will strive to take it only in the manner intended."

He took a breath, but then focused his gaze back on her. "It just feels like there's somethin' you ain't tellin' us. I mean, I get it, trust me. Anniversaries like this suck big time. But...I dunno, maybe it's just cause you're a lot more serious than me, but it just seems like you got more than just your parents and not a lot of sleep on your mind."

She took a breath, closing her eyes, resisting the urge to pull her hat over her eyes.  _You told him he could ask. Do not make him think that you regret that decision, no matter if you do or not._  "It...you are not wrong, but...I'd rather explain later."

"Okay." And with that, Kanji let the entire subject drop, and didn't attempt to push away from her again.

_Interesting._

The bus was much emptier by the time they got to the stop nearest the graveyard, and none of them tried to keep up conversation as they walked. Once at the gate, however, Kanji looked at the two others. "So, how we wanna do this? We all go separate, or stay with each other, or what?"

Naoto's brow furrowed and she went to respond, but Naoki beat her to it. "I don't mind if you two come with me to see Sis. I won't speak for you, Kanji, but...we can give Naoto-kun a moment with her parents alone first, I think. Though if you don't mind, I'd like to pay my respects to them as well."

Naoto could feel tears stinging at the back of her eyes, and she simply nodded. "That...I appreciate that a great deal, Naoki-kun. That arrangement is perfectly acceptable to me."

"Arright, so we'll go see Saki-senpai, an' then my dad, an' then me an' Naoki will let you be with your parents for a bit. You just come get us when you're done, okay?"

Naoto nodded. "Yes, very well."

Saki had a sedate but beautifully engraved stone marker, and several bouquets of flowers rested around the stone. Naoki knelt in front of it, clearly speaking to his sister but in a tone far too soft for her to hear, and she closed her eyes. She hadn't had the chance to meet Saki Konishi, but she'd heard more than enough from both the police reports and from her classmates. It had clearly been a painful loss for a large portion of the student body.  _If your brother is at all like you, Konishi-senpai, then I imagine you were a beautiful and kind soul, just as he is. I hope you rest well, wherever your spirit might be._

Kanji's father's marker, in stark contrast, was very plain and simple...but it seemed to fit, for whatever reason. Kanji didn't speak, his hands tightly clenched at his sides, his breath coming in forced even breaths. Naoto could hear Naoki reciting a prayer under his breath, and without having a better idea of how to support her classmate, she set a hand very gently on the small of his back. He started, just a little, but his eyes flickered over to her and she could feel him relax, just enough to uncurl a hand to rest on her shoulder.  _Tatsumi-san...whatever your background with your son might be, I hope you know that he has grown into quite the formidable young man. I was proud to fight at his side, in defense of him, as a willing shield for myself. For better or ill, I believe he gets that strength from you, and I thank you for making Kanji-kun who he is. Rest well._

Stepping away from the marker, Kanji curled his fingers into her shoulder for the briefest of seconds, and then released her, putting an arm around Naoki and walking away from her. She made her way through the lines of memorials, and now the path was familiar, back into her usual routine. Her feet knew the way, even when her mind could not focus.

The Shirogane memorial was small in the grand scheme of things, but was a full family memorial, and one which had been in the family for some time. Her grandmother was interred here, as were her grampa's parents. Her grampa and her name were on the stone as well, still marked in red to show they were alive, one above and the other below the two grey names of her parents. Her fingers traced the carvings of the characters, the knot in her throat tightening and tightening.

She knelt, taking off her hat and setting it next to the empty vase. She'd bring flowers with her grampa tomorrow, as usual, but from her bag she procured a small amount of incense to light in the burner. She didn't have many clear memories, but one that she and her grampa both shared was that her mother was quite enamored with incense. As such, Naoto had found the types of incense her mother purchased and kept a small stock of them herself, though she rarely burned it for any reason outside of the grave.

"Hello, Mother...Father." She swallowed hard, already needing to push back tears. "It's...hard to believe it's been this long. I'm seventeen today. Another year I wish I could have shared with you, though...this was not the best year to be in Inaba. At least, as long as you aren't a Shirogane. Father, the cases would have fascinated you to no end. I would have loved to hear your opinions on the matters as they unfolded." She took a breath, steadying herself. "I'm choosing to stay in Inaba now, with Grampa, at least until my schooling is through. I've...I've made acquaintances at the school, ones close enough to likely be considered friends." She breathed out a humorless laugh. "I'm sure you never expected me to say that, did you? Friends. Your shy, introverted detective of a child, willingly interacting with others." She pushed her hair back from her face. "I am perhaps not quite as social as you might have hoped of me by this age, but I am certainly leaps and bounds away from where I was last year at this time."

Her fingers traced her father's name, and the tears couldn't be held back anymore. "I miss you so terribly each and every day, and with each year it gets harder and harder to recall the few memories I have left. I can't remember how your voice sounded anymore, Father. I can't hear Mother singing anymore. I can barely recall your faces without finding a photograph, and it breaks..." Her voice cracked, and her hands went to her mouth as she doubled over. It was a long moment before she could find her breath again. "I feel so helpless and I hate it. I want to take strength from your memories, and yet I find myself flinching at every clap of thunder, dreaming of a car crash I never saw. I want to carry on your legacy, and I feel like I do nothing but shame it. I'm not who I want to be, but I'm not sure who I want to be anymore. I miss you." The last words ended up raspy and weak as her voice shattered around her again. "I barely remember you, and my soul aches with missing you."

She curled in on herself again, trying to mute the sobs pounding at her chest the best she could.

Naoto had no idea how long she'd been there when she felt a soft hand on her back and she flinched, a full body motion away from the source--and found Kanji kneeling at her side. All she could do was stare at him, her eyes surely bloodshot, and find herself unable to fight when he tugged her back to lean against him, one arm tight around her shoulders. "Yer parents would be so proud of you," he murmured, barely audible.

Another hand rested on her back--she assumed Naoki-kun, and the voice which spoke next confirmed that. "No matter how long they had you, and you them, they helped to raise a really amazing person." She coughed on a sob again. "I agree with Kanji. They have every reason to be very proud of you."

"They got a smart, nice, devoted kid, an' you just keep makin' in better every day." His hand tightened on her shoulder. "I'm glad I got a chance to meet you, Shirogane-otosan, Shirogane-okasan. You got a really great kid, an' I'm glad I got a chance t'meet 'em."

Naoto bit her lip, wanting to say something and utterly at a loss.

"I may not know Naoto-kun well, but just from what I know, you must have really been impressive people. I'm sorry I never got a chance to meet you in person, but I'm glad to know you now." Naoki took a breath, and now in a voice she could hear, he repeated the prayer he'd been saying. "May you both be freed from animosity, from from oppression and free from trouble. May you find yourselves in bliss. May the spirits around us bless our loved ones no longer near to us, defend them from all dangers of soul and body, and may we all be drawn together again at the close of the day."

A long moment of silence passed before Naoto could speak again. "That was lovely, Naoki-kun."

"It's a bit of a combination of prayers I've heard. I'm glad you liked it."

Another long moment passed, and though she wasn't looking, she could feel Kanji's eyes on her. She swallowed, and mustered up her words again.

"It's my birthday."

There was a beat of silence. "What? Wait, today?" Naoki asked. "Oh...oh, Naoto-kun."

"Dammit, Naoto." Kanji tugged her so he could get both arms around her in a proper hug, and she dissolved into silent tears again. "No wonder yer actin' like that. M'sorry." He let her have the moment to compose herself before he stood, holding out a hand to her. "C'mon. Let's go back."

Naoto nodded, reaching up to take Kanji's hand as he helped her to her feet. And for the entire walk to the bus stop, and the entire ride home, Kanji kept one arm around her shoulders, never saying a word when she leaned against him instead of the window.

_mental note: nxt yr, invite kanji-kun and naoki-kun to visit. perhaps all return for dinner at estate._

 


End file.
